#2. Uhhh... forgot this one too bc of the prev one... sorry ^^;; (adhd

[sepiasys]

Ok so immediately in the shower, I expected to see firty water when stepping into the tub--like when you have dirty feet and it just immediately makes the water kinda greyish? Was surprised to not see it /g

Ended up thinking a lot about that, actually. Because why wouldn't it happen? But also, when was the last time that ever happened to us? I don't remember, because all I know is it was a bathtub, and not even what specific one.

Some thoughts about S and his habits and how they'd started changing on me got me confused, too, admittedly. It used to be fine leaving a private window open, now it always gets closed :( things in the shower are different too but not a huge deal. It just highlights the thought I had earlier that he can literally frog boil me and I would be too afraid to ask, I could never stubbornly keep doing things because I would eventually just give up (still probably out of fear)

Then about writing this down, and kinda worrying other thoughts might come. But got back to that dirty water thought. And honestly? That. Caused some realizations(?) ig?

Because I got hit with the fact that I do not look like me (I looked at the shadow on the wall and remembered how the body looks now). And we are an adult. We are in our TWENTIES. Like even the idea of being 18 is smth that hits every so often as strange, and we're not 18 anymore, even if at times we think that. (We've accidentally written 2022 as the year a couple times too many, too, but I dont think thats why?)

But yeah. Uhhh... I am not in love with the idea that mentally I'm still a minor? Like even the term minor doesn't feel right, but being an adult also doesnt feel right exactly? Idk.

Is... this what it's like to have an alter age? Because we aren't ever really concerned with that (and can usually never tell anything, anyways), so it was never something to think about or that we ever knew.

I don't remember when we last took a shower, so ima do that

I'm really, really tired

- 🪶

(Also we need to work on things to work on to do during the day... I don't know if 👑 was gonna take that into account or not when he was gonna make the plan/prep)(No he did not write any of it down, but we do have a general idea of what it is)